Kyle and I have almost hit 5 months of marriage (this Friday marks the day). I have to say, marriage has been my favorite life-step thus far (verses birth, high school, driving, voting, college, drinking, etc). Marriage has also been challenging; many guests at the wedding warned us that our first year would be the toughest (others argued that out first year as parents would be the most telling/challenging).
I think the biggest challenge of marriage is the pressure that society puts on us. By more than one person in more than one situation, Kyle and I have been made to feel like we're doing it "wrong." People comment on how friendly we are- we rarely engage in any sort of P.D.A. Some people note how we go places without each other- I spend the night out of town with friends every month or two. Often times Kyle is out late working at the garage and I'm home alone or spending time with my mom or friends- we're rarely together all evening at home. Also- uncommon in little towns like ours- Kyle and I are married twenty-something-year-olds that have NO plans to birth children in the next few years. Yes we got married, yes we bought a house- none of this was in preparation for babies.
This judgement (for lack of a better word) has made me extremely self-conscious. It's planted doubt in my mind and caused fighting between Kyle and me. I feel a pressure to be the "perfect newlyweds" and every time I see another couple behave like the status quo, I feel slighted by my imperfect union. I lust after the perfect relationship and fear failure in the matrimony that we've created. I feel judged.
Now, I'm being slightly dramatic. I LOVE Kyle with my entire heart. I would marry that guy again and again. He's my man crush, better half, "best friend", and soul mate. For realz. Unfortunately, I have been putting this "perfect pressure" on our marriage these last few months. Tonight, in this moment, as Kyle snores (well, more like heavy breathing) next to me, I swear I'm done being dumb.
Kyle and I are different from other couples and THAT'S OK. In fact, every couple is different from one another. There is NO perfect marriage. Just think, if we all had to follow the exact same marriage guidelines and rules, we'd all be divorced. Kyle and I are independent. We started a business and that demands time. We have young friends that AREN'T married and we refuse to exclusively join the married-couple-club. Our life is awesome. Kids are fun, but Lylee's better (for us, anyway). I wish I'd have figured this out 5 months ago, but marriage is all about changing and learning. It seems to me that we're doing it right. I'm done feeling pressure and I'm done passing judgement on myself- I'm happy and that's what matters. I'm going to sit back, relax, and enjoy my hilarious, sarcastic, independent, handsome, dog-loving husband :)
I think the biggest challenge of marriage is the pressure that society puts on us. By more than one person in more than one situation, Kyle and I have been made to feel like we're doing it "wrong." People comment on how friendly we are- we rarely engage in any sort of P.D.A. Some people note how we go places without each other- I spend the night out of town with friends every month or two. Often times Kyle is out late working at the garage and I'm home alone or spending time with my mom or friends- we're rarely together all evening at home. Also- uncommon in little towns like ours- Kyle and I are married twenty-something-year-olds that have NO plans to birth children in the next few years. Yes we got married, yes we bought a house- none of this was in preparation for babies.
This judgement (for lack of a better word) has made me extremely self-conscious. It's planted doubt in my mind and caused fighting between Kyle and me. I feel a pressure to be the "perfect newlyweds" and every time I see another couple behave like the status quo, I feel slighted by my imperfect union. I lust after the perfect relationship and fear failure in the matrimony that we've created. I feel judged.
Now, I'm being slightly dramatic. I LOVE Kyle with my entire heart. I would marry that guy again and again. He's my man crush, better half, "best friend", and soul mate. For realz. Unfortunately, I have been putting this "perfect pressure" on our marriage these last few months. Tonight, in this moment, as Kyle snores (well, more like heavy breathing) next to me, I swear I'm done being dumb.
Kyle and I are different from other couples and THAT'S OK. In fact, every couple is different from one another. There is NO perfect marriage. Just think, if we all had to follow the exact same marriage guidelines and rules, we'd all be divorced. Kyle and I are independent. We started a business and that demands time. We have young friends that AREN'T married and we refuse to exclusively join the married-couple-club. Our life is awesome. Kids are fun, but Lylee's better (for us, anyway). I wish I'd have figured this out 5 months ago, but marriage is all about changing and learning. It seems to me that we're doing it right. I'm done feeling pressure and I'm done passing judgement on myself- I'm happy and that's what matters. I'm going to sit back, relax, and enjoy my hilarious, sarcastic, independent, handsome, dog-loving husband :)
You guys are doing it just fine! :) Different personalities do it differently. Billy and I spent the majority of our dating life apart from each other, so needless to say, we like a little "me" time once in a while and I'm quite happy to sleep by myself! -- And like you said, "That's OK!"
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